Red Cross Postal Service

So by now you've heard about our world famous Red Cross Whorehouse.

Fine, you think, "then how the heck do I get there?! I live in New York!"

Then look no further, we are expanding our business to stagecoach you across the continent in no time, to right front of the Red Cross Whorehouse!

But what if you are...

...Tired of them god damn beans and bacon and even them free whores can't give you satisfaction, partner?

I recon you miss the good ol' east coast.

Then you're homesick, aren't you, you yellow-bellied coward!?!?!?!!

Well, just ask the old petticoat pensioner down by the Whorehouse, and Red Cross Postal Service will give you a ride back home, FOR FREE, JUST LIKE HOW YOU GOT HERE.

And you know our four-in-hand is so fast that even the pesky racists indians cant catch you! Safety guarantee, yessiree!

Remember, don't ask how we can affort it, even we don't know.

Have a safe journey, partner!