Rookertti Eepertin Parhaita osa 11

 

 Zardoz

 "It may not make you an Apathetic, but it will certainly age you by two hours."

 

 

 

 

 

 

 Papillon

 
"Hoffman is using his limp again from “Midnight Cowboy,” and McQueen squints into the sun a lot, and that’s about it."

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 End of Days

 
"We learn that once every 1,000 years a woman is born who, if she is impregnated 20 years later by the Prince of Darkness during the hour from 11 p.m. to 12 a.m. on the last day of the millennium, will give birth to the anti-Christ

I was asking myself: “Eastern Standard Time?” The answer, Jericho is told, is that the exact timing was meticulously worked out centuries ago by the Gregorian monks.

Let’s see. Rome is seven hours ahead of New York. In other words, those clever monks said, “The baby will be conceived between 6 and 7 a.m. on Jan. 1, Rome time, but that will be between 11 p.m. and 12 a.m. in a city that does not yet exist, on a continent we have no knowledge of, assuming the world is round, and there are different times in different places as it revolves around the sun, which of course it would be a heresy to suggest.” With headaches like this, no wonder they invented Gregorian chants to take the load off."

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 American Psycho

 
"Lives could have been saved if instead of living in a high-rise, Bateman had been supplied with a basement, a workbench and a lot of nails to pound."

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 Starship Troopers

 
"You’d think a human race capable of interstellar travel might have developed an effective insecticide, but no.

Watching a film that largely consists of interchangeable characters firing machine guns at computer-generated Bugs, I was reminded of the experience of my friend McHugh. After obtaining his degree from Indiana University, he spent the summer in the employ of Acme Bug Control in Bloomington, Ind. One hot summer day, while he was spraying insecticide under a home, a trap door opened above his head, and a housewife offered him a glass of lemonade. He crawled up, filthy and sweaty, and as he drank the lemonade, the woman told her son, “Now, Jimmy–you study your books, or you’ll end up just like him!” I wanted to tell the troopers the same thing."

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 Armageddon

 
"There’s even a retread of the classic scene where they’re trying to disconnect the timer, and they have to decide whether to cut the red wire or the blue wire. The movie has forgotten that *this is not a terrorist bomb,* but a standard-issue U.S. military bomb, being defused by a military guy who is on board specifically because he knows about this bomb. A guy like that, the first thing he should know is, red or blue?"

 

 

 

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Rookertti Eepertin Parhaita osa 8

 

 Event Horizon

 "There is an accusation that someone has “broken the laws of physics,” and from the way it’s said you’d assume that offenders will be subject to fines or imprisonment. Of course there are no “laws” of physics–only observations about the way things seem to be. What you “break,” if you break anything, is not a law but simply an obsolete belief, now replaced by one that works better. Deeply buried in “Event Horizon” is a suspicion of knowledge. Maybe that’s why its characters have so little of it."

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

  

Batman & Robin

 "My prescription for the series remains unchanged: scale down. We don’t need to see $2 million on the screen every single minute. Give the foreground to the characters, not the special effects. And ask the hard questions about Bruce Wayne. There is a moment in the film where we learn that the new telescope in the Gotham Observatory can look at any place on Earth. “Just don’t point it at my bedroom,” Bruce Wayne chuckles. What is he chuckling about?"

 

 

 

 

 

 

 Junior

 "As an actor with big muscles and a balky Austrian accent, you’d think he would be limited, and yet he knows himself so well that it gives him freedom: Is a pregnant Arnold any harder to believe, really, than Arnold as Conan the Barbarian?

Schwarzenegger is perfect for the role. Observe his acting carefully in “Junior,” and you’ll see skills that many “serious” actors could only envy. He never reaches for an effect. He never grabs for a joke. He never wrings an emotion out of reluctant material. He plays the role absolutely straight, trusting the material to make the points and get the laughs."

 

 

 

 

 

Robocop 3

"Why do they persist in making these retreads? Because “RoboCop” is a brand name, I guess, and this is this year’s new model. It’s an old tradition in Detroit to take an old design and slap on some fresh chrome."

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

  

Creepshow

 "The horrors in “Creepshow” are universal enough, and so is the approach. These stories have been inspired, right down to the very camera angles, by the classic EC Comics of the early 1950s titles like “Tales from the Crypt,” which curdled the blood of Eisenhower-era kids raised on such innocent stuff as Captain Marvel, and appalled their elders. (EC Comics almost single-handedly inspired the creation of the Comics Code Authority.) The filmmakers of “Creepshow” say they were raised on those old comics, and it would appear that their subsequent careers were guided by the Ol’ Crypt-Keeper’s bag of tales. 

The original full name of EC Comics was “Educational Comics,” and you got an education, all right. You learned it was unwise to stick your hand into a box labeled “Danger Do Not Open.” It was unwise to speak ill of the dead. And it was quite unwise to assume that cockroaches would never decide to gang up and fight back."

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 The Edge

 “The Edge” is like a wilderness adventure movie written by David Mamet, which is not surprising, since it was written by Mamet."

 

 

  

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Rookertti Eepertin Parhaita osa 7

 

 Cyborg
"I am not sure I remember the opening words of “Cyborg” exactly, but I believe they were, “After the plague, things really got bad.” I do remember laughing heartily at that point, about 30 seconds into the movie. Few genres amuse me more than post-apocalyptic fantasies about supermen fighting for survival. “Cyborg” is one of the funniest examples of this category, which crosses “Escape from New York” with “The Road Warrior” but cheats on the budget.

The movie takes place in a future world in which all civilization has been reduced to a few phony movie sets. Leather-clad neo-Nazis stalk through the ruins, beating each other senseless and talking in Pulpspeak, which is like English, but without the grace and modulation. It’s cold in the future, and it’s wet, but never so cold or wet that the costumes do not bare the arm muscles of the men and the heaving bosoms of the women."

 

 

 

 

 

Home Alone 2
"Christmas carols swell from the concert below as the sanctimonious little twerp lectures the old lady on the meaning of life."

 

 

 

 

 

 

 Hellraiser II
“Kirsty!” we hear. And “Tiffany!” And “Kirsty!!!” and “Tiffany!!!” And “Kirstiyyyyyyy!!!!!” And “Tiffanyyyyyyy!!!!!” I’m afraid this is another one of those movies that violates the First Rule of Repetition of Names, which states that when the same names are repeated in a movie more than four times a minute for more than three minutes in a row, the audience breaks out into sarcastic laughter, and some of the ruder members are likely to start shouting “Kirsty!” and “Tiffany!” at the screen."

 

 

 

 

 Dead Poets Society
"If you are going to evoke Henry David Thoreau as the patron saint of your movie, then you had better make a movie he would have admired. Here is one of my favorite sentences from Thoreau’s Walden, which I recommend for serious study by the authors of this film: ” . . . instead of studying how to make it worth men’s while to buy my baskets, I studied rather how to avoid the necessity of selling them.”

 

 

 

 

 

The Adventures of Baron Munchausen
"In 1785 a jewel thief from Hanover named Rudolf Erich Raspe published a book in England which claimed to be based on the baron’s life and times.

The real von Munchausen apparently did not complain about this book that made free with his reputation, even though it included such tall stories as the time the baron tethered his horse to a “small twig” in a snowstorm, and discovered when the snow melted that the twig was actually a church steeple.

I remember the illustration that appeared with that story when I read it as a child: The baron on the ground, looking up in perplexity at his horse, which was still hanging from the steeple. I remember asking my father how the horse was going to get down, and my father speculating that he would have to wait until it snowed again, which seemed like a bleak prospect for the horse. And so I asked if the baron could feed his horse in the meantime by climbing up the steeple with hay. The mind of a child is wonderfully literal. And one of the charms of seeing “The Adventures of Baron Munchausen” was to see some of the baron’s other impossible adventures, looking for all the world as if they had really happened, thanks to extraordinary special effects."

 

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Rookertti Eepertin Parhaita osa 4

 

 

 

Conan the Barbarian
"The child is chained to the Wheel of Pain, where he goes around in circles for years, a metaphor for grade school."

 

 

 

 

  Death Wish 3 

 "One of the hypocrisies practiced by the Death Wish movies is that they ignore racial tension in big cities. In their horrible new world, all of the gangs are integrated, so that the movies can’t be called racist. I guess it’s supposed to be heartwarming to see whites, blacks and Latinos working side by side to rape, pillage and murder. 
 “Death Wish 3” could have had Bronson protecting black citizens against black gang violence. That would reflect the reality of most big cities, but it would not, of course, have been as commercial."

 

 

 

 

 

 Raw Deal

 "You want to see guys with muscles shooting machineguns at guys without muscles? These are the movies for you. You have more than muscles between your ears? Try something else."

 

 

 

 

 Tron

 "Video gamesmen race each other at blinding speed, hurtling up and down computer grids while the movie shakes with the overkill of Dolby stereo (justified, for once)"

 

 

 

 

 

  History of the World, Part 1 

"Between the occasional good laughs, we’re a little embarrassed that the movie is so dumb and predictable. God knows Mel Brooks is straining for yuks up there on the screen, but he’s like the life of the party who still has the lampshade on his head when everybody else is ready to go home."

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Rookertti Eepertin Parhaita osa 3

  

Battle for the Planet of the Apes
“Battle” looks like the last gap of a dying series, a movie made simply to wring the dollars out of any remaining ape fans. To a degree, that’s also the case with the new (and ninth) James Bond movie, “Live and Let Die.” But at least with that one, some attempt was made to reproduce the technical gimmicks and wry eroticism of the earlier films; in “Battle,” there’s simply no reason at all for going. Anyone who hasn’t had enough apes after the first four in the series has probably, by now, gone ape all by himself."

 

 

 

Any Which Way You Can
"Where else, in the space of 115 minutes, can you find a country & western road picture with two fights, a bald motorcycle gang, the Mafia, a love story, a pickup truck, a tow truck, Fats Domino, a foul-mouthed octogenarian, an oversexed orangutan and a contest for the bare knuckle championship of the world?

 The movie seems designed as a free-association exercise involving all of the above elements, in no particular order. That gives it a certain clarity of form. It opens, for example, with a bare-knuckle fight between Eastwood and someone else (Who else? Doesn’t matter). While Eastwood is slugging it out, his highly intelligent orangutan, Clyde, is relieving himself in the front seat of a state police car. And somehow we know-never mind how, we just know-that one of the reoccurring themes of this movie is going to be Orangutan Crap In Squad Cars. We are correct. It’s that kind of movie."

     

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